Stay-at-home mom burnout: How to deal with it

I have tried, but I don't think I'll ever be an efficient homemaker without help. It is too much, I'm so tired, and it's starting to take a toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I best recharge when I am alone, but I am NEVER alone. A few hours in a month is not enough for me to get myself back together, but I have to learn to do that.

I've been through a lot -- tumor, losing my mother, losing my grandmothers, a major surgery before my senior year at university, a major surgery barely a week after giving birth, having told I shouldn't get pregnant because we might not survive it, having a stent in my body, etc. -- but raising a little human has been the toughest one. IT NEVER ENDS.

I also usually delude myself that I can do regular things "expected" from a stay-at-home mom. Reality is that I cannot cook daily (which involves washing dishes, even if the hubby helps a lot), clean up the toys and the house regularly, or even do the laundry and fold the clothes three times a week, all while keeping up with an active kid. When I try to do that, I'd start of feeling good about myself thinking that I could finally pull it off, then I get so tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's a vicious cycle. Honestly, I feel like I can deal with mental stress better than with physical stress. Yet, I don't want to go back to regular employment and spend less time with my precious Mateo (I'm selfish that way).

I have some idea what to do to deal with this burn out. A lot of times, though, I deal with it the bad way. I stay up late so I can have that alone time. Since it also brings me mental burnout, I end up doing non-productive activities (mindless reading and games).

I'm good with ideas and planning but poor with execution. I have to find that perfect balance of putting my plans into action. I think a bit part of doing all this is recognizing and accepting my limitation. It's brutal.

Still, here I am again with my plan and list: How to proactively deal with homemaking burnout.

1. Consider taking an omega-3 supplement

Maybe I should try fish oil/omega-3, which is among the few supplements I'm willing to take (not a fan of multivitamin/mineral supplements, unless prescribed). I've read somewhere that there's a good link between staving off depression and having a good dose of omega-3. I think I am still far from having depression, but perhaps it's a good precaution. And a form of self-care. Plus, there seems to be a ton of other benefits that fish oil offers.

2. Eat out

Eating out is an option. It's going to be more expensive, but I'm slowly starting to accept that's better than wanting to cry from exhaustion. Fortunately, Singapore promotes healthy eating even at hawker centres, so yay for us.

3. Eat healthy

Stop binging on chips (I blame Reymond for this). Do not overeat (I don't get fat easily -- I actually have a hard time gaining weight, so this one's just to keep myself from getting bloated). Eat more fruits and vegetables. Eat more dark chocolate. ;)

4. Go to bed early

This is the key to getting up early and be more productive.

5. Exercise

I may be skinny, but I love what exercise does to my energy. However, due to medical conditions, I have a number of limitations on what I can do. So, I've recently consulted my cousin (an expert) on what to do best. That's a step up from simply choosing among the many Darebee workouts that I think are suitable.

6. Do not aim to be an efficient and effective homemaker

Leave the cleaning to Reymond. I'll only deal with the clutter.

7. Take a break

Schedule a mid-year home vacation. I think that's the best time for a vacation apart from our Christmas home holiday.

How do people maintain an orderly home? I'm not even talking about pristine-clean houses, just those decent enough to welcome guests anytime. Am I asking too much?

I need to recharge: Coffee love

Can I have a good cup of coffee by myself, please?

I love spending time with Mateo. I really do. I love that I'm a stay-at-home mom rather than a working mom. Yet, sometimes, I just get sooo tired. Being a SAHM is draining my energy. Mateo just seems to drain my energy to almost nil.

He talks non-stop. He plays non-stop. He eats non-stop. He's on the move non-stop. That's an exaggeration, but that's how I feel.

I just want some alone time, please, so I get to recharge my energy? Ranting Writing this somehow helps a tinee tiny bit. BUT. I badly want some solitude so I can effectively work again. Back to being a playful mom who likes to cook and enjoys eating with the little kid, and who goes out just because we like it and not to escape the mess at home.

Can I have a good cup of coffee, please? By myself.

Time to focus: Resolutions

My days are mostly spent on playing with Mateo, cooking, eating (trying to gain weight), and pretending that I can keep the house clean. It has honestly been tiring. Recently, I have found it to be a repititive motion of doing chores.

To break away from this cycle, I have turned to K-drama. UNHEALTHY, UNPRODUCTIVE. Those things are so addictive. I feel like my life has no focus. I need to take charge of my life again. I'm going to list my resolutions to recharge my mind and soul.

I haven't done "resolutions" in a while.  I usually do it on my birthday. It's not my birthday, and it's not even the new year yet, but I don't want to wait for an occassion to do this. (I am sleepy, so let me just go straight to it.)

My resolutions

1. STOP watching K-drama. 
2. Spend one to two hours a day on weekends doing something productive that contributes to personal development. This includes "projects" I have in mind, as well as homescooling know-how for Mateo.
3. Devote around 30 minutes a day, four times a week (or two hours on weekends) to prepare Mateo's homeschool play materials.
4. Write. Just write.
5. Go to bed before 12 midnight.

I'm limiting the list to five to keep it simple. I'm already breaking resolution #5 now, though. I'll be better tomorrow. Cheers!

Something for Me

I have recently created my third Instagram account. I think it's too much. But... my original, personal IG account has now been mostly about Mateo. He has dominated my life and my social media accounts. I want something that will be all about me or the the photos I take. So the new account is something I said will be a momentary (and illusional) respite from motherhood.

I tried to take a nice photo. This is the best I could do. More practice needed.

Last Saturday, we went to East Coast Park to have some fun. Of course it was about Mateo. Again. Our family day (with Ninang Yeye) has been always about Mateo. I was busy looking after the little one and trying, really trying, to get a good picture of that active boy.

Then I remembered about my desire to appreciate more the beauty of the places I visit, or food that we eat, or whatever it is that somehow is a part of my life. So I paused for a bit. I tried to see the life in the playground. It was refreshing!

The moon was beautiful against this big tree. I could not capture it in this photo. But I enjoyed that moment, especially with Mateo having lots of fun with Reymond.

It seems I have forgotten about stopping to appreciate the world I am living. I saw other parents so immersed in their kids' lives, especially those with younger ones. I saw pieces of me in their desire to capture their moments, make their children do their best, and simply create memories. I tried to take photos of the liveliness. "Try" is the word.

At dinnertime, I briefly remembered to take a photo again. I instantly took a couple of shots of the prata that Mateo was eating. I had to do it quick. Mateo knew I wanted to take a picture, and he wanted to play mess with me by eating his food real fast or grabbing my phone.

My little Mateo loves food and eats a lot. We almost always barely have time to take a photo of the food before eating it.

Before going home, I once again stopped in my tracks to take pleasure in what's around me. In the midst chatters and activities, I enjoyed some sense of peace and solitude. I was happy that I could still do that. I can still find serenity in the world's frantic runs. Perhaps peace really comes from the heart.

The place was busy. I embraced the moment, and still found solitude and satisfaction amidst the chatters. That's Ninang Yeye, btw.

I have made a new IG account as a simple exercise to bring back my interests before I had Mateo. Yet, the first four posts so far are laden with stories that involve him. Ah, motherhood. It really changes a person. All for good, though. All for the best.