A month before the new year. Twenty-five days before Christmas. One hundred and sixty-six days since I turned 30. One day after I got officially enrolled again. No matter what countdown I use, I want to start each day with a cause for celebration and purpose.
Great timing cannot be missed. A simple chat with a friend opened my heart to what I want and have been missing in my life. He stubbornly urged me to do and finish my dissertation. I was too close to finally dropping from the Ph.D. program, but all the great timing made me commit to do one final push (it felt like God saying, "Hey Kate, don't give up yet. Remember why you entered graduate school in the first place.) It was a great timing because I was at a point when I knew I wanted to do more.
For most of the year, I have been overwhelmed with worry. I have a tumor that has been in my body for more than a decade, which cannot be removed without risk and complication. Early this year, my doctor recommended a procedure to possibly remove it. However, it is too expensive. Then I got infection, hospitalized (in expensive Singapore without an insurance), recommended for surgery, and got sick with minor ailments once in a while.
It was too overwhelming. I mulled over how to finance that expensive procedure. I worried about staying healthy, which probably also made me even less healthy. I dreaded going to my doctor whose patients were mostly senior citizens accompanied by their children older than me. Without a doubt , I also had great and joyous moments in my life. However, worry got the better of me. There were times when I felt alone even with the support of my husband, family and friends. So I relied to God for strength, and it has been good.
I learned to face my life with a faithful heart. Suddenly I felt calm and at peace with my condition, trusting God in His plans and unconditional love. My test results have been promising. I stopped worrying too much. I got a renewed strength to face the world. When that happened, I started to think about what to do in my life. What should I do?
As I was in the process of putting direction in my life, I got myself thinking in that dissertation again. For me it is not just a dissertation – it represents what I really want to do. I want to learn more, contribute to the society, do research, work in a policy-oriented environment later, and take on every challenge that I face. It is a big vision, with other leisurely and awesome plans along the way coupled with an aspiration to share more blessings. To successfully do it, I am praying for inspiration and resolve each day. Whatever happens, I will give my best to a purposeful life. Cheers!
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