Stay-at-home mom burnout: How to deal with it

I have tried, but I don't think I'll ever be an efficient homemaker without help. It is too much, I'm so tired, and it's starting to take a toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I best recharge when I am alone, but I am NEVER alone. A few hours in a month is not enough for me to get myself back together, but I have to learn to do that.

I've been through a lot -- tumor, losing my mother, losing my grandmothers, a major surgery before my senior year at university, a major surgery barely a week after giving birth, having told I shouldn't get pregnant because we might not survive it, having a stent in my body, etc. -- but raising a little human has been the toughest one. IT NEVER ENDS.

I also usually delude myself that I can do regular things "expected" from a stay-at-home mom. Reality is that I cannot cook daily (which involves washing dishes, even if the hubby helps a lot), clean up the toys and the house regularly, or even do the laundry and fold the clothes three times a week, all while keeping up with an active kid. When I try to do that, I'd start of feeling good about myself thinking that I could finally pull it off, then I get so tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's a vicious cycle. Honestly, I feel like I can deal with mental stress better than with physical stress. Yet, I don't want to go back to regular employment and spend less time with my precious Mateo (I'm selfish that way).

I have some idea what to do to deal with this burn out. A lot of times, though, I deal with it the bad way. I stay up late so I can have that alone time. Since it also brings me mental burnout, I end up doing non-productive activities (mindless reading and games).

I'm good with ideas and planning but poor with execution. I have to find that perfect balance of putting my plans into action. I think a bit part of doing all this is recognizing and accepting my limitation. It's brutal.

Still, here I am again with my plan and list: How to proactively deal with homemaking burnout.

1. Consider taking an omega-3 supplement

Maybe I should try fish oil/omega-3, which is among the few supplements I'm willing to take (not a fan of multivitamin/mineral supplements, unless prescribed). I've read somewhere that there's a good link between staving off depression and having a good dose of omega-3. I think I am still far from having depression, but perhaps it's a good precaution. And a form of self-care. Plus, there seems to be a ton of other benefits that fish oil offers.

2. Eat out

Eating out is an option. It's going to be more expensive, but I'm slowly starting to accept that's better than wanting to cry from exhaustion. Fortunately, Singapore promotes healthy eating even at hawker centres, so yay for us.

3. Eat healthy

Stop binging on chips (I blame Reymond for this). Do not overeat (I don't get fat easily -- I actually have a hard time gaining weight, so this one's just to keep myself from getting bloated). Eat more fruits and vegetables. Eat more dark chocolate. ;)

4. Go to bed early

This is the key to getting up early and be more productive.

5. Exercise

I may be skinny, but I love what exercise does to my energy. However, due to medical conditions, I have a number of limitations on what I can do. So, I've recently consulted my cousin (an expert) on what to do best. That's a step up from simply choosing among the many Darebee workouts that I think are suitable.

6. Do not aim to be an efficient and effective homemaker

Leave the cleaning to Reymond. I'll only deal with the clutter.

7. Take a break

Schedule a mid-year home vacation. I think that's the best time for a vacation apart from our Christmas home holiday.

How do people maintain an orderly home? I'm not even talking about pristine-clean houses, just those decent enough to welcome guests anytime. Am I asking too much?

On the road to getting up early: Establishing an evening routine

Just this week, I set out an ambitious goal to get up early every day. I'm absolutely not a morning person so this is a big deal for me (and my hubby and my friends and perhaps anyone who knows how NOT a morning person I am.)

My initial goal is to get up at 7:00 AM, then work on getting up at 6:00 AM. This has been inspired by Reymond's insistence that I do it so I'd get work done, and solidified by an article I've read in Entrepreneur.



My plan was to start last Monday. This is the third day, and I am still grudgingly getting up closer to 8:00 AM. The problem: I can't get myself to sleep early. I have been a night person for so long, and having a me time at night for so long, that I can't go to sleep even if I wanted to.

Thankfully, I found this nice list of tips from Beauty in the Mess to improve productivity. I like it because it is more practical for stay-at-home moms like me. I just have to modify it for this side of the world.

Still a work in progress, here's my initial 10 tasks before 10:00 PM:

1. Clean up after dinner. I hate doing this.
2. Wash the bottles. I wish Mateo finally stops using bottles.
3. Tidy up excessive clutter. I also hate doing this.
4. Take a shower. Or simply freshen up.
5. Put away clean laundry (whenever applicable).
6. Prepare clothes for the next day.
7. Unplug. Put the phone away from my side of the bed.
8. Journal. Brain dump. Evaluate the day.
9. Read a real book. Even if they are children's books.
10. Get 8 hours of sleep.

It's going to take me a little bit of time to get used to this. For now, good night! :)

How I get my kid to eat vegetables

My two-year old loves to eat since he was a baby. Everything with food has been an adventure for him (and me). He welcomed every taste and color. It was also a world of different textures for him since we mainly practiced baby-led weaning.

He definitely was not a picky eater. I had no trouble feeding him. It was (is) actually more difficult to think of what to cook for my husband. Mateo devoured everything, including vegetables. Yes, vegetables.

Fresh vegetables from the grocery

We had no trouble with vegetables. Until he turned into a little kid who loves to test his boundaries and my patience . He still loves to eat, but not how I would love it.

I have been more lenient with his diet as he grew older. Yet, it doesn't mean that I will let him have his way not to eat the greens. He must still eat his vegetables. They're a great source for zinc, which are needed to boost immunity (according to our doctor). So here's how I deal with it, and it includes both quirky and serious tips.

How I get my kid to eat vegetables

1. Cut the vegetables into small pieces. Mash it if you must.

Mashing vegetables are great for soup dishes. The vegetables (like squash or potato) will simply meld with the soup.

Cutting the vegetables, meanwhile, will make it easier to "hide" it among the other food on his plate. This, obviously, is subject to the child's preferences.

2. Hide it.

Hide the vegetable piece in every bite. That's why I first advised to cut the vegetable. Smaller pieces are easier to hide.

Hide the vegetable behind rice and meat. This one's easier than rolling them into rice balls.

How does it work for us? I do not know. Mateo knows when I'm hiding the vegetable behind rice or meat, but he still eats it most of the time. Weird indeed.

Of course, you can creatively hide vegetables in smoothies or muffins or other baked goods. I just think it's better to make the kid realize that vegetables (and fruits) must be part of the regular diet. Or I just like making my life more difficult.

3. Ask him to close his eyes for every bite.

Sometimes, there are just too many small pieces of vegetables to hide. For such cases, I just ask Mateo to close his eyes as he takes his bite. Out of sight, out of mind, into his mouth. It sounds ridiculous because, well, it is ridiculous.

There is no doubt in my mind that countless other tricks exist in this world to make kids eat those green stuff. It just happens that two things working for us are a bit unusual.

4. Introduce early and be consistent.

Now this one's important. Those tips above will be difficult to do if the child has deeply ingrained in his mind and tastebuds that he hates vegetables. I've tried it with a preschooler who played with Mateo once. It did not work. Although I do not know how we'd fare if I was given the chance to do it longer.

Babies should be given fruits and vegetables early on, and offered to them every meal time. Still, I understand that sometimes it is just more convenient to cook a single meal, like adobo without side dishes. I have done that and was doing fine, until the kid refused the vegetables.

I've learned my lesson. It is wiser to simply be consistent in serving a balanced meal. Besides, Reymond and I need that zinc as well.

5. Respect your child.

While I mentioned being consistent in serving vegetables, it is also important to respect your child's likes and dislikes. Sometimes they will simply refuse it, even the perceived favorites. It's okay. They are their own person, anyway. They have their own preferences. Respect that.

Am I contradicting myself? No.

If at a certain mealtime the kid refuses to eat vegetables, and no tricks or pleading can do the job, then just accept it as a no-vegetable time. It is better to avoid the power struggle. Live in harmony, especially at the dinner table.

Then, next time, prepare a meal with a vegetable that will likely be consumed. Task is not yet done, though. After a while, re-introduce the vegetable he/she refused. Just try it again, and repeat the cycle.

Before ending this piece, please take note that you cannot expect kids (even adults!) to like every single vegetable or food that you'd prepare. Mateo hates to eat tomatoes even after my numerous attempts to make him like it. At least he likes how they look. And he still likes soup dishes like sinigang where you cannot identify the tomatoes anymore.

I had it easy, so this list may not suffice for the seriously picky eaters. Try it though, it might surprise you.

Do you have another vegetable eating tip and trick to add?

By the way, I have some interest in infant and young child feeding. If you have questions or concerns in this area, let me know and I'll do what I can to help.

Love,

Kate